can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
