So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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