I can't breathe out the right side of my face
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
