There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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