You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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