its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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