We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
