we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
