The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
