she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
