So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
