If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
