i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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