True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
