i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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