did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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