oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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