S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
