drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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