haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
