carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
