I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
