I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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