she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
