If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
nutella sex= disaster
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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