I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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