I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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