im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
