8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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