I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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