Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize