I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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