she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
