If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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