Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
