last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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