Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i think im in europe. pls send help
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
