We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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