i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
