omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
