i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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