I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
