Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
