dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
