I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
