Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
