this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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