Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
