Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize