there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
