Did you just see the Batmobile???
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
