I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
