I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
