were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
