everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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