So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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