Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
