I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She's the barista slut.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
