I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
