He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How external is "for external use only"?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
