Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
