If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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