I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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