apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
