i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
why do cheetos always look like penises
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
